Oxymorons
by LoliBat
Summary: Genesis Rhapsodos 100 themes challenge: 100/100: Relaxation. It's Friday, and everyone knows that nothing ever goes wrong on Fridays. At least, if your name's not Zachary Fair, much to the amusement of Genesis. 100 percent YOAI-FREE.


Genesis Themes Challenge: 100/100: Relaxation

Ah yes, it's Friday. Everyone knows that nothing ever goes wrong on Fridays—everyone's automatically happier, no work for the next two days (which translates to much-needed rest for his abused eardrums), heck, even the monsters take a chill pill and lay off on the killing.

However, this Friday is extra special—how special? Costa del Sol special. Middle of summer, the sun's beaming down cancer causing UV rays down at earthlings, the cicadas are chirping, everything's just peachy. Shinra, in one of his surprisingly intelligent moments, had an epiphany and bought out a whole section of Costa del Sol's famously pricy beaches just for SOLDIERs and TURKs. Which of course, means no clumsy cadets, no Heidegger, no Hollander, and above all, no screechy rape-happy fan girls.

In short, this is his day to get some R & R, lay back, and just watch the clouds float lazily by. The only thing that's missing from this perfect day are his fire materia. In order to do damage control, Sephiroth pulled rank on him and confiscated his materia. Damn him and his foresight.

Reaching out to his side, Genesis grasped and sipped on his mango juice with a contented sigh. With or without his materia, he is determined to spend his day off without stress. After all, stress causes wrinkles, and wrinkles are not something that he likes. Don't even get him started on the grey hairs.

Of course, when all's said and done, he was at a SOLDIERs and TURKs only beach, he meant exactly that—SOLDIERs and TURKs only. Unfortunately, that included the second bane of his existence besides paperwork—Zachary Fair. Genesis twitched as the tinker of broken glass reached his mako sensitive ears. How the Puppy even managed to find glass on a beach full of sand and umbrellas was a mystery to Genesis. With a sigh, Genesis sat up and surveyed his surroundings.

Apparently, Zachary was sparring with his TURK friend—yet another oxymoron courtesy of the mother of all oxymorons, Zachary Fair-- with an umbrella of all things. Rule one of the SOLDIER Handbook: when in need, improvise. To Puppy, it translated to 'find the first sword-resembling object closest to you', aka the twisted pile of metal and punctured cloth that was the sad ex-umbrella. While the Puppy and the redheaded TURK, Reno, was sparring, the Puppy managed knocked a glass of Costa del Sol's infamous fruit cocktail out of another TURK's—Cissnei's—hand, which in turn caused the said glass to shatter and the expensive drink to spill all over her foot. And her pedicure. Since she was female, she presumably turned into a demon incarnate. Since Tseng lacked Sephiroth's all-knowing foresight to remove any and all sharp pointy weapons—or material-- from his TURKs, the assassin reached for her shuriken and proceeded to chase after Zachary with all the righteous feminine intent of bodily harm. Universal rule number 247: When your name's Zachary Fair, someone will always be out for your blood, 24/7.

Let it never be said that Zachary Fair is normal, ordinary, or sane.

Raising both eyebrows, Genesis sent a questioning look to his other best friend next to him, Angeal, only to see him shaking his head and massaging his forehead. Of course, something like this happens on a daily basis. Turning his attention back to the Puppy's dilemma, he realized that the Puppy was running his way.

With a grin worthy of the devil himself, Genesis' inner evil began plotting. The clogs in his brains turned as they began to string together a plan. As the mako-inhanced Puppy came running past him, Genesis discreetly stuck out his foot out into the sand, and predictably, the Second Class tripped over the limb and was sent sprawling directly into Angeal, who looked at his apprentice with something akin to indignity. While Zachary scrambled away from Angeal, Cissnei caught up to him and proceeded to deliver to him a one way ticket to hell.

Genesis, work done, laid back down with a smirk, and took a sip of his mango drink as screams of mercy reached his ears. Who needs fire materia when you've got TURKs? And of course, it's Friday, and everyone knows that nothing ever goes wrong on Fridays, or at least to someone who's not a walking oxymoron.

End

Omake:

Come Monday, and Genesis is back in his office ready with his pen and stacks of papers. Take paper, skim, sign, put paper down, repeat. And then of course, in came the one and only General, demon of wutai, god of hair, and cash cow of all shampoo companies. He came bearing yet another stack of paper.

"Oh, Sephiroth, next time you send us all to vacation, make note to remove all umbrellas from the Puppy's immediate vicinity."

Sephiroth just twitched silently.

Mandy: How was it? I always saw Genesis as one of those people who always call others by their given name even though they're told not to. Special thanks to septsonicxx for giving me the list of 100 themes! R&R, constructive criticism is welcomed, flames are sent to Genesis, and thanks for reading!


End file.
